Love Languages

I had an interesting conversation over dinner yesterday.  Some friends and I spoke about family and relationships.  It’s interesting how your family shapes how you express love.  One friend had  a lot in common with my family in terms of not showing affection physically.  My family wasn’t very caressing and rarely spoke the words “I love you”.  This didn’t mean we didn’t love each other.  It was just shown in different ways, such as trying to make sure we were well fed, our needs were met and showing us different cultures.  My love for travel definitely came from my family.  My parents always traveled with us.  

In relationships I rarely gave affectionate touches.  I remember partners saying I don’t know how you feel about me and I would think how could they not know.  I showed my love in different ways.  I wasn’t touchy feely or verbally expressive.  Some people need to be touched, some people need to hear the words, some need physical assurance, some need intellectual stimulation.  Nothing is necessarily better than the other but we just have to understand what we need as well as what our partners need.

Moving to Brazil and getting a cat has helped me to be a bit more physically affectionate as the culture here is much more physical.  I have met friends who openly say I love you to each other.  I have always been more action oriented as sometimes people can say they love you but their actions show otherwise.  In the same way people can show they love you and not say it.  The latter was my case.  But being here I definitely say I love you more and it feels good to express that verbally.  Now I have the best of both worlds.  I am verbally expressing myself more and physically expressing myself more as well as carrying out the actions.  This can be very vulnerable but I see that I haven’t been hurt.  I can’t get hurt when I am true to myself and my feelings.  When I am in touch with myself and feelings I will know whom to share with.  

My cat is very affectionate and comes to me to show her affection.  At first I didn’t know what to do, but in watching others with her or there cats I learned.  I now always rub on her and kiss her and tell her I love her.  I see how she needs this and melts when I am affectionate.  I am forever grateful to the teachings of my friends, family and my cat for showing me how to love.

In which ever boat you are in just be true to yourself and your feelings and everything else will flow.

A Cats Teachings on Freedom

One day I received a call from a friend asking me if I would like a kitten.  My initial response was no, as I am not a cat person and have never had cats.  She said she didn’t have anyone else to give the kitten too and just couldn't give her the care she needed.  So I said I will come see the kitten, feel her out and decide.  I went to her house, saw the kitten, and went back home to think about it.  Finally with a little pressure from my friend I resistantly went to pick up this kitten.  It was a battle, the kitten, named Frida ended up getting a kidney infection and was very stubborn and head strong.  She wouldn’t listen to me and wanted to do her own thing.  She tore down the screen in my back window to get out of the house. When I would open my living room window she would jump out.  I would spray her with water to try and stop this behavior.  It didn’t work.  She would look at me, look at the window, look at the spray bottle than make her decision to jump out.  She wore me out.  Fighting and trying to get her to stay in the house.  I had so many fears of her getting fleas and bringing them into the house, getting hit by a car, getting pregnant.  All the fears of a typical mother.  Well, if I was to look in the mirror she was my reflection.  But now I see me in her.  It’s true that pets take on characteristics of there owners.  Realizing this helped me to relax and let go.  I began to accept Frida.  I was trying to control her and put a leash on her and that is not what she wanted.  She wanted and needed the freedom to do what she wanted.  Her very nature is independence.  I began to notice she would go into the garden in the back and sit in nature, one of the things I enjoy doing.  She would never wander too far from the house, she would mostly sit near the trees and people watch.  

One of the things that made me keep her, was Frida’s loving personality.  She would follow me around the house, whether I was in the living room, kitchen, bathroom or bedroom she would come.  She would greet me at the door when I arrived home and rub her face on my foot.  She gave so much love.  Whenever I had guests she would greet them with open arms and show them love as well.  Indeed she is as social and loving as I.  

Lessons from Frida: She has taught me how to love unconditionally.  She loves the many people who comes to my home and that doesn’t take away from the love she has to offer me.  Many have this fear that if their partner is open and loving of others that will diminish the love the partner could offer them.  This is not true.  This is one of the lessons she has taught me.  I accept her no matter what.  I accept her challenges, when she is stubborn, when she is loving, all of her.  That is unconditional love.  She has taught me the true meaning of freedom.  To be able to live without fears.  To be able to connect with nature.  When you love someone, you do not try to control them or keep them locked up.  You allow them to be.  Most importantly as a reflection of me she has taught me to love me!