So you say you love me...

How many of us can say we love someone? What is love? We can say we love someone, but then when we love we become possessive, controlling or even jealous.  Is that really love? Why when we love someone we feel that need? That need to know where they are going? That need to say what is best for them? Whether it is a love for your child, your partner, your sibling, your parent, whomever?  Why do we feel the need to change them? Because we think they need to change? Is that really love?  Why do we get upset and fight when they do something we don’t like? Is this what you call love? True love, unconditional love is loving someone wholly, the good, the bad, the ugly.  Complete acceptance.  If they decide to love someone else.  We get hurt.  But if we love unconditionally we accept what is best for them.  Maybe it’s best for them to love someone else.  Maybe they can love two or three people at the same time.  Hmm… True unconditional love is hard, it is rare.  Accepting their failures, there weaknesses, how can that be done? I say start by being love.  Loving every part of yourself.  Loving nature, the animals, the insects, loving everything.  Be love don’t just say you love.  Every action that you emit is loving. Every thought is loving.  Not thoughts or actions of anger or hate.  When you find yourself getting upset, think loving thoughts.  Remember good times with that person.  Remember that person is human and we all make mistakes.  No one is perfect. Then ask yourself, do I love this person and if yes be compassionate.  Allow room for mistakes.  Through mistakes people learn and grow.  Who are we to interfere in the person’s growth.  Whether we are their lover, spouse, parent, child, sibling…Who are we? If you truly love, you will allow that person to learn from their mistakes, showing compassion and love all the way.  

Love Basically Is a State of Being

"The real thing is not a relationship but a state; one is not in love but one is love. Whenever I talk about love remember this: I am talking about the state of love. Yes, relationship is perfectly good, but the relationship is going to be false if you have not attained to the state of love. Then the relationship is not only a pretension, it is a dangerous pretension, because it can go on befooling you; it can go on giving you the sense that you know what love is, and you don't know. Love basically is a state of being; one is not in love, one is love. 

"And that love arises not by falling in love with somebody. That love arises by going in – not by falling but by rising, soaring upwards, higher than you. It is a kind of surpassing. A man is love when his being is silent; it is the song of silence. A buddha is love, a Jesus is love – not in love with a particular person, but simply love. Their very climate is love. It is not addressed to anybody in particular, it is spreading in all directions. Whosoever comes close to a buddha will feel it, will be showered by it, will be bathed in it. And it is unconditionally so. 

"Love makes no conditions, no ifs, no buts. Love never says, "Fulfill these requirements, then I will love you." Love is like breathing: when it happens you are simply love. It does not matter who comes close to you, the sinner or the saint. Whosoever comes close to you starts feeling the vibe of love, is rejoiced. Love is unconditional giving – but only those are capable of giving who have." 

Osho

Metamorphosis

The name Renee is very befitting of me as it means reborn.  I have been reborn several times.  The latest was during my stay at a tantra community.  I lived there for 2 months doing yoga, meditations and working hard.  You see, there, we have to work as an exchange to pay for for the courses they offer.  The work is hard and long.  We work seven days a week.  The weekends we work longer and harder as they have courses every weekend.  The first week I was ready to quit.  I felt like I worked like a slave.  Why was I putting myself through this? The schedule was tight.  We woke up around 6:30am for yoga at 7am, breakfast at 8am then worked until lunch at noon with a break, then worked again til 5 then a meditation or activity such as dance or music, then another activity at 9pm whether it is massage, dance, meditation, etc.  Sleep usually around midnight.  I was burnt my first week.  As much as i loved to dance my body was physically exhausted after working on my feet than having to dance during our activity.  I remember asking if I could not do a task after a long days work and I was told that we are more than our minds and that we can do what we put our minds too.  We are stronger than the physical.  The talk gave me encouragement to push myself beyond my limit.  I was physically and mentally exhausted but strength came to me. I pushed myself and it became easier. 

I remember working and being my normal talkative self and the coordinator would say work meditation.  You have to be focused and present.  I realized how unfocused and absent I have been.  I meditate often and am present during those times but often in my day to day I wasn’t which is why I would not remember things or tune people out at times.  My mind wandered a lot.  Being present is being there, being aware of what you are doing, your conversations, or where you are.  I was grateful for the reminders and teachings to be present.  Other times they would remind me to have eagle vision.  What is this eagle vision? For sure I didn’t have that.  Eagle vision is seeing something that needs to be done and doing it without being asked. Eagle vision is seeing something where it shouldn’t be and putting it into its proper place.  I remembered when I lived with my sister and she asked me to wash the dishes.  I washed everything in the sink but didn’t notice the cups on the table and she came back and mentioned that to me.  Had I washed everything even what was outside of the sink is eagle vision.  Another wonderful lesson that I am eternally grateful for.  Although the lessons were hard for me they were very much needed.

In time I felt nothing but gratitude for my teachings and my inner strength began to shine through.  My last weekend everyone was saying how powerful I looked.  I felt the shift.  I felt the change.  I felt stronger and more grounded. I am powerful beyond belief!  We are all powerful beyond belief! When was the last time you pushed yourself beyond your limit? When was the last time you ran that extra mile? I saw how my butterfly wings grew stronger and more beautiful! We are all or have been that caterpillar that will or changed into a beautiful butterfly.  Let your wings flap!  Let your beauty shine! Trust in yourself! Push beyond your limit and see how strong you really are.  With love Renee!

Chanupa

As part of the Shamanic tradition we use the Cachimbo, or Chanupa, Native American term for sacred pipe, in order to put our prayers into physical form.  It is a connection between the physical and spiritual world.  Smoke becomes our words; it goes out, touches everything, and becomes a part of all there is. The fire in the pipe is the same fire in the sun, which is the source of life.  The reason why tobacco is used to connect the worlds is that the plant's roots go deep into the earth, and its smoke rises high into the heavens. The pipe ceremony invokes a relationship with the energies of the universe, and ultimately the Creator, and the bond made between earthly and spiritual realms is not to be broken.  The smoke is not inhaled, but puffed into, then out of the mouth in each of the four directions, acknowledging Father Sky, Mother Earth, and the Great Spirit.

Cachimbo

I received my first Cachimbo (which is smaller than a Chanupa) last year when I received my Shamanic Reiki Masters initiation and have been using it since for prayers and meditation.  I have seen that it has made my prayers more powerful and realized a lot faster.  Earlier in May I decided that I wanted a bigger pipe for various reasons and then a friend asked me to buy a pipe for him while at my Shamanic Course in Sao Paulo.  The lady did not have any pipes available so when I returned I asked a woman I know here in Salvador.  She too did not have any but she told me of a workshop that was happening in which you build your pipe, and consecrate it.  I was blessed to be able to attend the course which happened yesterday.

Chanupa

In the course we had did a shamanic journey built a sacred fire and had a pipe ceremony with smoking, singing, dancing and sharing wisdom.  When you smoke the sacred pipe only truth comes out of your mouth.  It helps you to connect to your higher self, your truth and knowledge comes from this source.  We had profound conversations and I felt my true power.  In constructing my Chanupa I could feel my power, my strength, my higher self.  It was a meditation where I delved deeper into myself.  I connected deeply with strangers who were also taking the workshop.  This morning in my 1.5 hour long meditation with my new Chanupa I felt a sense of peace, faith and trust and new my prayers were heard.  That is the power of the Chanupa.  I sat in silence and began to understand many things in  my life and felt so much gratitude my eyes began to tear up.  I am forever grateful to the wisdom of Chanupa and Shamanism.

Love Languages

I had an interesting conversation over dinner yesterday.  Some friends and I spoke about family and relationships.  It’s interesting how your family shapes how you express love.  One friend had  a lot in common with my family in terms of not showing affection physically.  My family wasn’t very caressing and rarely spoke the words “I love you”.  This didn’t mean we didn’t love each other.  It was just shown in different ways, such as trying to make sure we were well fed, our needs were met and showing us different cultures.  My love for travel definitely came from my family.  My parents always traveled with us.  

In relationships I rarely gave affectionate touches.  I remember partners saying I don’t know how you feel about me and I would think how could they not know.  I showed my love in different ways.  I wasn’t touchy feely or verbally expressive.  Some people need to be touched, some people need to hear the words, some need physical assurance, some need intellectual stimulation.  Nothing is necessarily better than the other but we just have to understand what we need as well as what our partners need.

Moving to Brazil and getting a cat has helped me to be a bit more physically affectionate as the culture here is much more physical.  I have met friends who openly say I love you to each other.  I have always been more action oriented as sometimes people can say they love you but their actions show otherwise.  In the same way people can show they love you and not say it.  The latter was my case.  But being here I definitely say I love you more and it feels good to express that verbally.  Now I have the best of both worlds.  I am verbally expressing myself more and physically expressing myself more as well as carrying out the actions.  This can be very vulnerable but I see that I haven’t been hurt.  I can’t get hurt when I am true to myself and my feelings.  When I am in touch with myself and feelings I will know whom to share with.  

My cat is very affectionate and comes to me to show her affection.  At first I didn’t know what to do, but in watching others with her or there cats I learned.  I now always rub on her and kiss her and tell her I love her.  I see how she needs this and melts when I am affectionate.  I am forever grateful to the teachings of my friends, family and my cat for showing me how to love.

In which ever boat you are in just be true to yourself and your feelings and everything else will flow.

My journey with Rapé! Minha Jornada com Rapé!

PARA PORTUGUES LER EM BAIXO (ESTA TRADUZIDO NO PORTUGUES)

My journey with Rapé, pronounced ‘ha-peh’, in English, has been an interesting one.  It is one heavily connected with ayahuasca.  I remember being in Peru at an ayahuasca ceremony and was asked if I would like to try Rapé.  I was told it is normally done at Ayahuasca ceremonies to prepare you for the work and open up the third eye chakra.  Being that I am a daredevil and adventurous I will certainly try anything once. So I said yes.  The Shaman blew the Rapé in one nostril without any explanation, of what to expect, to me.  Let me remind you that I was in Peru where they only spoke Spanish in this ceremony.  Immediately I stopped breathing.  Fear entered, I began to panic.  Thoughts of death aroused.  The Shaman began to say breathe in Spanish, but I couldn’t.  He said breathe again.  I was just filled with fear and could not hear anything he was saying.  Breathe, what is breathing anyway.  Breath is life.  Breath is the thing that helps us relax, think clearly and bring us back to a healthy state, which is why breath work is fundamental in yoga, meditation, pilates, dance and singing.  Breathe.  He touched me and said breathe.  I was able to take a deep breath.  The panic left.  Then he prepared to blow the Rapé in the next nostril.  I started a process and had to continue. He blew, I choked up again but this time I was able to breathe sooner.  A shooting pain  went to the back of my brain with both blows.  But the first blow, I just choked up, the second blow I was able to rub on my head some. Tears ran down both cheeks.  I began to spit and blow my nose, but then a sense of peace came.  It made it all worth it.  I had an amazing meditation, felt completely and deeply relaxed and knew everything would be ok.

As I continued on my journey through S. America and doing Ayahuasca ceremonies, I continued to do Rapé.  After living in brazil for 3 years Rapé became a bit more of a regular practice.  I hadn’t been trained on it officially but began to use it myself.  I would buy the Rapé and snuff it myself for deep meditations.  Eventually I bought a self applicator, called ‘Kuripe’, with more time I bought an applicator in which I could administer to others.  This is called ‘Tepi’ or blow pipe.  They are made from bambu or bones.  The Kuripe is a V shape and Tepi is long with the smaller end being the end to insert into the nose.  I guess you could say I had a training directly through Rapé, but then I began a Shaman course in which I did receive a training on how to blow Rapé and how to insert it into the applicator.  

I remember doing Rapé once in Imbassai, Brazil at the beach with a friend for an outside meditation.  After snuffing I vomited for the first time.  Now I have vomited when doing Rapé after ayahuasca, but this is the first time when I did it with nothing else.  As I purged, I could see all of my fears exiting.  I was cleansing my soul and body.  It was a wonderful and well needed purge that I was thankful for.  It wasn’t painful or uncomfortable.  It was just a well needed cleanse.  I sat back down and that sense of peace returned. I generally do Rapé about four times a month sometimes weekly.  Usually I will do it for new or full moon ceremonies  or times where I feel like I would like to have a deep meditation.  I am thinking of doing Rapé more often as it profoundly helps to re-align and open all your chakras, improves your grounding, releases any sickness on physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels, opens-up the third eye, de-calcifies the pineal gland, clears any mental confusion, releases any negative thoughts, connects you to your divine breath, and elevates your connection with Spirit.

Rapé is a very rare, sacred, powerful, precious, profoundly healing and cleansing miracle medicine that I am thankful to have come across in my lifes’ journey.  Each journey with Rapé, I have received valuable insight on what I should do, it has helped me to connect with my precious breath, taught me how to trust myself and have given me a sense of peace and faith. Thank you sacred medicine.  Thank you Rapé!

 Minha jornada com Rapé, pronuncia-se 'ha-peh ", em Inglês, tem sido interessante. É ligado com ayahuasca. Lembro-me de estar no Peru em uma cerimônia de ayahuasca e foi perguntado se eu gostaria de tentar Rapé. Foi-me dito que é feito normalmente nas cerimónias de ayahuasca para se preparar para o trabalho e abrir o chakra do terceiro olho. Sendo que eu sou uma mulher retada e aventureira, vou certamente tentar qualquer coisa uma vez. Então, eu disse porque não. O Shaman soprou o  Rapé em uma narina, sem qualquer explicação, do que esperar, para mim. Deixe-me lembrá-lo que eu estava no Peru, onde eles só falavam espanhol nesta cerimónia. Imediatamente eu parei de respirar. Medo entrou, eu comecei a entrar em pânico. Pensamentos de morte despertou. O Shaman começou a dizer respirar em espanhol, mas eu não podia. Ele disse que respirar novamente. Eu estava cheia de medo e não conseguia ouvir nada do que ele estava dizendo. Respire, o que está  respirar. A respiração é vida. A respiração é a coisa que nos ajuda a relaxar, pensar com clareza e nos trazer de volta a um estado saudável, e é por isso que o trabalho de respiração é fundamental para yoga, meditação, pilates, dança e canto. Respire. Ele me tocou e disse respirar. Eu era capaz de tomar uma respiração profunda. O pânico saiu. Em seguida, ele se preparava para soprou o  Rapé na próxima narina. Eu comecei um processo e teve que continuar. Ele explodiu, eu engasgado novamente, mas desta vez eu era capaz de respirar mais cedo. A dor aguda foi para a parte de trás do meu cérebro com ambas as vias de fato. Mas o primeiro golpe, eu só engasgado, o segundo golpe que eu era capaz de esfregar na minha cabeça alguns. Lágrimas correram para baixo. Eu comecei a cuspir e assoar o nariz, mas, em seguida, uma sensação de paz veio. Ele fez tudo valer a pena. Eu tive uma meditação incrível, me senti completamente e profundamente relaxado e sabia que tudo seria ok.

Como eu continuei na minha viagem através S. América e fazendo cerimônias de Ayahuasca, continuei a fazer  Rapé. Depois de viver no Brasil por 3 anos  Rapé tornou-se um pouco mais de uma prática regular. Eu não haviam sido treinados sobre ele oficialmente, mas começou a usá-lo eu mesmo. Gostaria de comprar o  Rapé e apagá-me para meditações profundas. Eventualmente, eu comprei um auto aplicador, chamado 'Kuripe', com mais tempo eu comprei um aplicador em que eu poderia administrar a outros. Isso é chamado de 'Tepi' ou tubo de sopro. Eles são feitos de bambu ou ossos. O Kuripe é uma forma de “V” e Tepi é longa, com a extremidade menor ser o fim para inserir no nariz. Eu acho que você poderia dizer que eu tinha um treinamento diretamente através de  Rapé, mas depois eu comecei um curso Shaman em que eu tenha recebido um treinamento sobre como soprar  Rapé e como inseri-lo com aplicador.

Lembro-me de fazer o  Rapé de vez em Imbassai, Brasil na praia com uma amiga para uma meditação fora. Após aplicando Rapé vomitei pela primeira vez. Antes eu ter vomitado ao fazer  Rapé após ayahuasca, mas esta é a primeira vez que eu fiz isso com nada mais. Como eu purgado, pude ver todos os meus medos saindo. Eu estava limpando minha alma e do corpo. Foi um expurgo maravilhoso e bem necessário que eu era grata. Não foi dolorosa ou desconfortável. Foi apenas uma limpeza bem necessário. Sentei-me de volta para baixo e que a sensação de paz retornado. Eu geralmente faço  Rapé cerca de quatro vezes por mês, às vezes semanais. Normalmente eu faca isso para cerimônias de lua nova ou cheia ou tempos em que me sinto como se eu gostaria de ter uma profunda meditação. Estou pensando em fazer o  Rapé mais frequentemente como profundamente ajuda a re-align e abrir todos os seus chakras, melhora a sua ligação à terra, libera qualquer doença em níveis físico, emocional, mental e espiritual, abre-se o terceiro olho, de-calcifica a glândula pineal, apaga qualquer confusão mental, libera todos os pensamentos negativos, você conecta ao seu sopro divino, e eleva a sua conexão com o Espírito.

Rapé é um muito raro, sagrado, poderoso, muito, profundamente cura e medicina milagre de limpeza que eu sou grata por ter na minha jornada da vida. Cada viagem de  Rapé, recebi informações valiosas sobre o que devo fazer, ele me ajudou a se conectar com o meu precioso respiração, me ensinou a confiar em mim e me deu uma sensação de paz e fé. Obrigado medicina sagrada. Obrigada Rapé!

Thank you Nefertiti Atlan for the wonderful pics!
#JustbeingRenee

39 Years of Reflection

39 Years of Reflection

Today I turn 39 years old.  I honestly can't believe it.  I feel so much younger than 39.  I lay in bed reflecting on my life and have thought of the many things I have done and the many more to come.  In this 39 years I have worked hard to achieve a Master's degree in Counseling Psychology. I worked to put myself through college, as a waitress, bartender and salesperson at Lowe's.  After earning my Bachelors from Florida State University I moved to Virginia where I began to work at a technology firm doing accounting work, then teaching at a preschool and later going back to earn my Master's at Marymount University.  I've worked for Mental Health Hospitals, a Mental Health Insurance company, a crisis center and at the age of 29 started my own business as a Private Practice Psychotherapist.  All the while planning events such as ski trips, camping trips and socials.  My life has always been a busy one, preparing me for what is to come.  I've had several religious paths such as Catholicism, Baptist, Christian, Buddhist all to learn more about myself and this world. In 2009, at the age of 35 I decided to travel the world.  I started in India, then went to Argentina, Peru, Ecuador and Colombia all of which I stayed for 3 months, then on to Brazil where I decided to put down roots for some time.  I entered not knowing the language and within 7 months began a Post Graduate Program in Transpersonal Therapy where I studied for the last 2 years in Portuguese.  Wow that is a big accomplishment.  I am currently taking a Dance class to work on seeking the interior self and work on individuation.  Speaking of dance I have danced Belly Dance, Tribal Fusion and have performed here in Brazil.  I can't forget my acting in the States when I was a child.  I performed in Musicals, Plays, and Comedy Skits.  It has always been hard for me to write about myself.  This is my healing right now as I write for myself.  Most people look at my life and think how easy I have it and how much fun I am having, but Salvador is a tough city to live in.  I have faced many struggles that many don't know of, I have cried many tears, but I have also loved, and laughed many laughs.  That is part of life.  The balance without the sad times we could not appreciate the happy times.  I have written for magazines, was a weekly guest on a talk show, have been interviewed for magazines and radio shows.  I have done a lot in these 39 years and if I could give advice to someone I would say follow your heart and live your dreams.  Don't be afraid of carrying out your dreams. The universe and God is there to help!  You just have to trust and have faith! I have also studied Reiki traditional and Egyptian, am a Master and teach Reiki as well.  Wow have I done a lot.  Now it is time to dare yet again and start doing my retreats around the world to share what I have learned and to help others travel the world and grow at the same time.  Somewhere deep inside I have doubted myself which is why I haven't started yet, but I have accrued a lot of knowledge and experience and am ready to share. 

Health of a Woman

In September 2011, I went to the doctor here in Brazil and was told I had cysts and fibroids.  The doctor told me to have them surgically removed.  I opted not too, as I thought that there could be natural ways to have them leave the body.  I was also told that they can leave on their own.  Due to the symptoms, I decided to research the ways in which to have them leave in a holistic way.  Online I found many cites recommending a change of diet, strenuous exercise, acupuncture, and Chinese medicine.  A good friend also gave me her book:  Sacred Woman by Queen Afua.  I began to read this book and learned so much about woman and our bodies.  There are so many foods that cause the growth of cysts, fibroids, and tumors.  I followed the strict diet and simultaneously received acupuncture three times a week.  Within two months my symptoms were gone.  Yes, I could have had them surgically removed, and at times I felt that would be easier.  I am a meat eater.  I love meat and even more I love shrimp, oh and how I love cheese.  I had to become a vegan.  This is extremely difficult in Brazil.  The restaurants put pork or meat in every dish as a condiment and do not consider pork meat.  But I persevered and learned how to make vegan dishes such as vegan cornbread, vegan pumpkin pie for the holidays and many other vegan dishes that surprisingly delicious.  It wasn’t just eating vegan, but I had to cut out all white, processed foods such as white flour, regular rice, sugar, etc.  This makes it even more difficult as I can find vegetarian options but with white rice, sugar or white flour in there dishes.  You can now imagine my difficulty, but it was all worth it.  After three months of the diet, I occasionally splurge, but for the most part I maintain a vegan diet.  Queen Afua states the growths can re-grow if you eat these mucus increasing foods, so I keep them at bay.  I do feel however that anything in moderation is fine for you.   In addition, to the diet and acupuncture I incorporated her womb dance into my routine.  This knowledge is one of the things I hope to share in one of my many retreats.  What have been some of your struggles and triumphs for a lifestyle change?  Have you struggled with cysts, fibroids, or tumors?